Either he signs with the Boston Bruins or he needs to enter concussion protocol. 

I’ve barely slept for three straight nights since I caught wind that unrestricted free-agent John Tavares could maybe, possibly, potentially join the Boston Bruins this weekend, but then I decided that there’s really only one way of looking at this whole situation.

Yesterday, Patrice Bergeron gave him a sales pitch, and look, if a conversation with Bergy doesn’t sway Tavares into putting ink to paper in Boston, then you don’t want him here anyway because clearly he’s suffered some severe damage to the head.  So that’s it.  My official stance is that Tavares can either sign with the Bruins or live with himself as  certifiably the most moronic hockey player ever.

There’s really only two possible scenarios here:  either Tavares signs with the Bruins or he doesn’t sign with the Bruins, and if he doesn’t sign here then he’ll be forever branded as a snake who disrespected Bergeron, at least in my mind.  I don’t care that his hometown is near Toronto, I don’t care about his free bagels in New York, I wouldn’t care if Tyler Seguin handcuffed him to a pole in Dallas and didn’t let him leave until he signed –  if Patrice Bergeron’s pitch wasn’t good enough for Tavares then Tavares doesn’t deserve the city of Boston.  By all means, he can join the club with Kevin Durant and his disrespect of Tom Brady as the second athlete that I never want to lay eyes on again.

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Of course, since it’s Friday night and we still haven’t heard news that he’s re-upped with the Islanders, it gives me a shred of hope that we can start considering Scenario One – Tavares joining the Bruins – and also helps me consider how the Bruins may never lose again with Bergeron, Tavares, and Krecji centering their top three lines.

Tavares would fit perfectly in Boston, as he would for most teams.  He’s the only 40-goal-scorer in this batch of free-agents except for James van Reimsdyk and, more importantly, a perfect transition away from David Krecji centering the second-line.  Of course, the Bruins would shell out $11 million annually for his services – he’ll probably become among the richest hockey players ever this weekend regardless of where he signs – but at the same time, the Bruins aren’t strapped for cash, and it would probably just take a David Backes dump to fix the cap damage. Or, even better, trading Krecji before his sell-high window closes.

And Scenario Two doesn’t realistically scare me because I have complete faith in Bergeron.   Who doesn’t have complete faith in Bergeron?  I feel like he can’t be bad at anything he does.  Plus, lately there’s been no news from the entire Tavares front, which I take as an indication that he’s taken a hard look in the mirror and considered Bergy’s offer to win five straight Stanley Cups or mentally working up to the free-agent signing I care about 100 times more than LeBron James’.

I won’t even be watching for a LeBron update.  Within the next three days, news will emerge on Tavares, and that’s when I find out whether he will wholly embrace Patrice Bergeron or when I discover how dumb he actually turns out to be.

Ben Healey is a high school junior from New Hampshire.  He enjoys watching sports and does not enjoy grammatical error’s.  You can contact him on Twitter here or email here.

Image credit to USA Today

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